midst of...

HOLA!!!

i have work a record breaking 6 months in my new work place as @ 08/05/2011, 6 months more to completion of contract..

coming to an end of my first semester of degree.. hmm it is a "momento" of drowning when i have procrastinate my "deberes" to the much extended date.

just had the 2nd lesson of spanish! "perfecto" love it..!! haha... next i am plannin to go diving this month end.. then rush my driving license which i have so procrastinated =| haha... oh well..

i did a informal psy test recently.. and i am so called.. high oh E(go) and I(d) and none on S(uperego).. that is amazing.. but it did explain to me clearly why i am so into making sense of things.. then whatsoever..

nonetheless it will just be a update of my life.. .as a none direction path but to complete whatever is necessary =p love life.. love experience.. the job of learning.. cheers

leonard ng the life guard ^^

ahaha i found out what is the perfume brand!! sadly not armani =x... it is joop! jump n body shop purple bottle..i wan go buy!

walking 太多冤枉路

in this life i have walk many unnecessary path..fish is there already..start to cherish..not too bad liao dont complain..
studies is there jus that it is part time so maybe cant go overseas liao .. be more understanding..cant complain much?
flute is my interest jus that i slack too much... find time practise or buy a nice flute and work hard on it..
things i shd had done.. continue my flute grading and studies.. stop quitting on all my job, or job hop =_=

I'm good at nothing

hmmm recently not doing anything but crazily indulge in tanning and swimming.. getting back my nice tone.. b4 the skin sheds... hmmm i see nothing in life i truly like.. the love for band is fading though it is there but not longer stronger.. the desire to roam the work is at its peak.. seeking my meaning in life is of utmost importance this instance!

I see myself falling to the cycle of study and getting a job.. work all my life =_=.. or if lucky open business and what? still working ...I know i am a hard to get along with type of person.. lousy character, demanding, selfish, self centered.. act smart..stingy..full of flaw.. internal and external.. short fat ugly talk too much.. and I am not str8..getting myself in the wrong relationship as a third party with fish..la~ssssss.. but yeah.. there you have it.. ur mr Tan Bai Xiang Tony..

receive both enrolment offer letter from Edith Cowan University and Murdoch University. So sian..

31 oct.. if my mum is not gonna settle school fees.. here i am singapore.. getting bored as i am back here.. worse then the times in europe..i see no meaning here.. like.. totally meaningless.. like is a stand still. no excitement but the only looking forward to a big sunny day where i can secure a nice tann and enjoyable swim..

so much to say and type but nothing is goingthrough my brain.. life is meaningless for me now.. totally black.. no light..hate this period..

TOP!

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hate it totally!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wth!! one shd nv make a mistake in life.. no i shd say one shd always make sure u are the top! if not life will jus not make it friendly for u...i am jus being negative.. now! hahaaha.. thanks a fren i know from 2 days work for singing song to cheer me up really more positive now.. things are jus there for us to work for.. we need to go for it.......!

...coming home is sad

hmmmm...family meeting.. meeting say to pay 80 per person per month.. haha..

hmmmm they buying the maroon toyota pinic....hmmm... eh...high chance

very sleepy now.. wanna sleep but got lock out =_=!!

tml the band cannot go again?...mum say hmm after i think through like abit hard to let u go more than a year.. stop f-ing my brain.. jus wanna commit suicide.. stop the nonsense..

even jay say u like floating not realistic.. hmmm alright.. sigh..
so yeh..wait till next yr then i will know what the outcome... my hse is a mess! totally.. i hate cominig back.. should have stayed overseas!i hate home..it is not warmth at all..

a man with everything and nothing

my life is full of uncertainty.. me, fish,my family, my education, everything...how ironic that i have them and at the same time no..

mum jus quarrel and decide no go to aust.. no go.. for all she care..

when my brain is much clouded..i will halt full stop to my life...

eh..

i am jus not good with title.. why must we have title lol..

anyway i have been crazily working midnight for sat and sun to get merely 100? lol.. at ntu yov..sai kang warrior..

applied for uni and attend their exhibits...hmmm in the end i nv sign up any..cmon i already sign up curtin, murdoch, edith cowan, deakin n maybe monash.. hence i dont see the need to sign up wa..etc

i got offer from ecu already as my agent forward to me..hmm..still waiting...for their assessment on my advance standing =

didnt apply uwa as they were really hostile when i approach them on that day.. is it because they got too much ppl? hmmm haiz seriously.. saded...

but when i told ppl i didnt apply uwa..they all treat me like idiot
..."uwa is Go8 and the best in W.A. and u didnt apply.?" so the rest of the uni are shit? pls lor...haiz...damn turn off to know this ppl who are go after branded.. meaning only top brand stuff can be use..? so if they are top brand i am lousy brand i get 100% they got 50% the boss will stick to good brand or good grades?


went to see car today.. toyota pinic i think..chances of buying seem to be high.. hmm... ask her abt school fees she ignore.. came home my dad acted like =_= again... say =_+ to me again.. win liao lor.. =_= since young still not enough..

GOd pls let me go ba...sick & sad

how i wish i was dead in europe or at least i have the courage to drown of in one of the nice lake..

hmmm..

everytime i got so much time for myself i love it n hate it. love the freedom.. love the 不用担心不够时间， 就很自由自在！可是也是该想想以后了。一路以来都有去想，只是自己还是选择了慢慢从生活中领悟其中的奥妙。

现在到了23 岁还是这祥的钓饵拦挡，哈哈！
also dont know how firm my mum gonna push me to go overseas.. study to be a better man or to be getting some paper where i can get in singapore? i am definitely sure it is also for the exposure that i can absorb through all this seeing n experiencing?

now choosing between going to LA santa monica to start all over again? at the community college or maybe australia being hopefully that i can get some exemption.

maybe i am asking for alot.. i wan to be recognise to be known. not jus sogging alll my life in purchase of nothing? chasing dream? what is my dream?..now that i keep thinking through i got none? haha i jus wan a nice island with blue clear sea.. cool weather nice sun and tann all day long and swim.. snorkel n maybe jus drink? music at night.. with all the nice grill..the smell of it all..amazing..i dont want to work all my life nor jus open a shop be boss what so ever..but able to achieve that is like non stop working and maybe have some establishment to support it. DAMN!

so usa? where all the chance and opportunity are? but u gotta stay 5 years to get the green card b4 u are stable..n u will always be 2nd class if not in singapore...? australia stable..relax but can it be boring too?
what do i really wan? sit on the rainbow,ride the wave? lie on the deep blue sea and soar amongt the ray? lol.. i am a joke.. no wonder my fren call me trash?..useless not worth bashing..jus be thrown n not be mention or thought about..may i be recycle n be of great use. lol

sigh

felt terrible..hope it is not another onf..i didnt mean it to be that way..